Ode to my brother.

I can't begin to explain how good a friend you are to me.
if i live to a hundred i doubt i could repay the favours you've done for me.
you probably don't realise the amount of stuff you do for people but it doesn't go unnoticed.
i am grateful as fuck and i hope you know that. i'm fairly sure you do.

on the way to discovering what we love, we will find everything that we hate, everything that blocks our path to what we desire.

I'm feeling alot better in myself recently. I've pulled my head out my arse and got over you. i have relatively little cares anymore and it's good to feel free again.
I've realised there are decent people about, and sooner or later i'll be with someone who makes me happy.
I've started speaking with someone from back home direction; it's a welcome change to have someone to randomly chat to through the day n have a bit banter with. =)
Keeps me smiling through boring uni days and times when i can't sleep. haha
all good. generally i just feel like stuff is picking up, i'm ready for summer; n hoping to go see some decent bands.
I miss home as well, i wanna try visit for a week or so near my birthday but just keep it quiet n stuff.
i appreciate i'm writing like a 'tard (cuz i'm high as fuck) but i don't care. again this is more for me as i didn't like leaving things on a sour note last time.
I feel that it was a bit out of perspective cuz i've spent so little time recently sad in comparison to the last couple of months.
fuck it. here's to stuff picking up.
i'm out.
Peaaace. x

Happiness by the Kilowat

we sent 2979 texts to each other. you kept asking me how many all the time, you seemed pretty fascinated by it. so cute.

So i finally got round to listening to the song; you said it was about us.
It was previously about you and someone else, but you wanted to replace that.
i can only hope it worked, it's such a beautiful song; just never made time to sit n listen to it until today.



i keep wanting to text you, or ring you. anything.
i know it's stupid though, it kills me when i do.

i want to tell you every time you text me, for some reason my stupid phone shows me one of the random conversations we had over nearly 3000 texts.

i want to tell you every time you text or call, my phone still shows me that picture of us kissing. It feels like a lifetime ago, but i don't ever wanna lose that memory.

this still breaks my heart. i dunno why i do this to myself.

2011

So times have been a bit strange, not easy. i haven't been writing nearly as much.
however i have been drawing loads. so i'm not gonna try and catch up and write, i'm just gonna give you an overview of what i've drawn over the last few months; and anyone who sees it is welcome to make up their own mind as to what it's all about.
I'll keep updating!

If i think, i think of you.

I'm getting there; stuff ain't easy but i'm coming around.
it still hurts to think about it, but i'm finding that i'm spending less n less time doing so.

I got a message from someone i haven't heard from in a long time; part of my life i'd pretty much forgotten. Anyways, this person was close friends with one of my good friends who unfortunately died a couple of years ago. They had no idea what had happened; and that's so sad. I said I'd take the time out to met them and help them catch up on what they've missed.
That'll be fun i imagine(!) =|
















I'm enjoying Plymouth still, and I'm really enjoying spending time by myself here as well, something which until recently has been tearing me up.
It just feels like there's always something going on here, even at the quietest of times. It's just down to me to find what appeals to me. =)

Lots of work to do so i better get to it i suppose! still not really sure what i'm doing studying for a Law degree.
Peace.

I miss you.

I miss you alot.
today has been horrible. i got very little sleep, and the best part of my day was when i woke up but couldn't remember yesterday. for a few seconds everything was still perfect.
today has been random. very random. i can't really apply myself to a great deal, but i'm keeping busy. i've been into uni but i can't hold a pen so i've just sat n half listened to whatever's going on.
i still feel lost.
...and i still haven't ever watched a disney movie.

"we all have something that digs at us, at least we dig each other."

For all we could have done, and all that could have been.

That's it. game over.
Alex Garland said in 'the beach' something about that moment just before game over, when you realise you're totally fucked; but it's far too late to do anything about it.
It's such a bitter moment, however part of you wants to draw it out forever, you don't want to see what happens after it's all over and you'll do anything to hold onto that moment for a few seconds longer.
So today i have lost alot, someone very important to me.
I love you, and i'm scared of going back to normal; i don't want to forget and move on. I'm going to miss you so much.
I'm sorry.

Here's to everything we still had left to do, and dreaming of what an experience it would have been.

...i hate all this past tense shit.