we'll never come back... ever.

"and i will see you again, someday"
A tribute to Craig, Aidan, Lee, Edward, Jenny, Lizzie, Anthony et al.

We all answer to influence and ultimately judgement from our friends. i feel this is integral. It's makes us, us.
i have had too many deep conversations over the last 48 hours. summary is: Mates save you. no matter how insignificant. they understand.
we need friends; good friends - in the end, that's all we have. A need to feel love.
I can't deny this, and i hope no others (that i call friends) do either.
Friends make you the person you are today. They are the bounty of life; the only beauty worth fully appreciating.
If you're proud of yourself, be proud of your friends.

I have found (for years) ultimate solace in the fact that no matter where i am, what situation i find myself in, no matter how severe or tedious; i can up sticks and leave. just go away.
I adore having no ties to one place, apart from my friends.
I need the comfort of being able to run away. not that it's always needed - but it's my back up plan. and that is needed.
i'm sure my friends would understand if i left, after all the only integral factor is that they stay in my life, not where i'm located - It's not down to where i live, what i do or how i feel. I'll keep them - yet retain nothing else.
I can't explain how important this is to being me.

i have decided i need a dictaphone. all i do through writing is reflect on the conversations i have had with the people who mean the most, and how they affect me and my outlook.
It's too much to ever write from memory. probably from a recording too; but it would be a hell of an advance.

I'd love to record my whole life, and in the end still have time to watch it - not only watch it but appreciate every detail.
Yet i can't; it is impossible to give every aspect of life the consideration it truly deserves, and the effects entailed.
all we can do is try to appreciate as we go along as much as we can.

i appreciate this makes no sense to anyone. This is a selfish writing; don't give a flying fuck.
i only hope it makes sense to me.

all we're doing is wasting time; but all the while trying to make to most of it.
i want you to know; although it'll be a while until we go for a mission together, and we haven't had a decent all night conversations in a while - i truly have faith that we will again.
All im trying to say to you; is i miss you. So fucking much.
You taught me alot; mainly how to appreciate what i have before it's gone.
Only it's horrid to have to deal with that in retrospect.
All i can do is be the person you helped me become; and i will make you proud.
But i promise i won't let you down anymore. I promise. xx