"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy"

Through consultation today, i have reached the conclusion that it's ok to daydream, be a thousand miles away, when there's nothing better happening.
I think children have it down to a tee - they're off shooting bad guys, or being an astronaut or some amazing and crazy shit that is way better in comparison to staring at a tv, or making idle conversation while waiting uncomfortably for a lecture to start or a bus to come or whatever boring meaningless shit consumes our daily lives.
escape. go do something, live somebody else's extravagant life for a change when there's fuck all better doing.

So yeah, any select few who are like me and still get lost in the depths of your imagination and fucking love it; it's ok. you're not insane (for this reason anyway) - i say so.

when was the last time you made a resolution that wasn't connected with the dawn of a new year?
i made one today. and this struck my mind.

i feel today has been productive even though i've achieved fuck all.
i fell in love with the idea of being a student in plymouth even more, even though educationally my day was useless, i feel like i have befitted regardless.
i also re-dyed my mohawk which was long overdue.
nothing like washing dye out the hair in a house with no hot water. beautiful.

i also discovered through consensus ad idem that everyone feels fucking low, angry and enraged at the worst of times.

i've dealt with some horrid shit in my time, absolutely horrible, but still nothing makes me more useless than having to deal with feeling hollow. i can deal with being sad. i believe everyone can, we suffer, and it makes us stronger. and 90% i can deal with, and get on with life. the only thing that stops me dead in my tracks - is love issues.
i always thought it was a bad reaction in me; something i was more tuned in to. today i realised (at great relief), everyone feels lost, everyone feels hollow. even those who appear so strong.
it's all in how well you hide it.

i'll tell you now i can't fucking hide it to save my life. everyone will know if something's gone wrong in that aspect of my life, where as any other problem. nope. no clue. entirely unknown.

but i'm glad, in a horrid way. through bad consequence i am reassured in myself. what a fucking horrid thing to say. i realised i'm not the only one to fall to pieces in this situation, it's more to do with how people represent (in themselves) how they feel. and where i felt i was unique, to have felt such pain where others have felt nothing, is none other than selfish bullshit, and very fucking naïve.

This isn't all bad; seems like a rant - i just feel stuff is moving on, and hopefully i can put stuff to a close. i truly hope in light of this i can get on with my life.

"The last of the romantics" - probably the only profound analogy i've ever dreamed up. i feel it suits me.


i guess i'd just appreciate someone to care about, with no fucking boundaries, no drama. - no kid shit basically. just to be me, be appreciated, and try on the constant to make that one person feel amazing.

i think i'm ready, although i'm through forcing stuff, through jumping in head first, through with over analysing stuff, through with hoping for too much and most of all through with ruining stuff for myself.

i have to chill, and something right will come along. i fucking know it - it's all about the attitude. i'm just fucking ready and i have my head straight, and i just want that last little bit to have a complete life. but we can't wish too much.

finis vitae sed non amoris.